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Why Do Nice Girls Dress Like That?

April 30, 2007 by Joanne Brokaw

* This article was a winner of a 2003 Evangelical Press Association Higher Goals Award *

Why Do Nice Girls Dress Like THAT?
By Joanne Brokaw

Summer is just around the corner, and as the temperatures rise, chances are so will the hemlines. Clothes will become skimpier, shorts will begin to appear in church, and an alarming amount of skin will be displayed in sanctuaries all over the country.

Marc Porpillia, director of Youth Ministries at Pittsford Community Church in Pittsford, NY, has already seen it happen. At a recent missions event, where more than 350 teens were gathered together for the evening worship program at a local church, Marc looked across the aisle to see a young girl wearing a shirt that only covered about half of her back, and shorts that barely covered her backside and allowed her thong underwear to be visible to everyone who looked in her direction.

Marc admits that he couldn’t help but notice. “And I’m a guy who has some self control,” he says, shaking his head. Embarrassed, uncomfortable, and concerned about the young men in the room who were noticing the girl as well, he asked one of the women volunteers to suggest that the girl cover up. “The girl appeared to be innocently embarrassed,” he says.

Which begs the question: what are Christian girls thinking when they dress like THAT?

Andrea Baca, one of three sisters who make up the popular R&B/hip hop group Out of Eden, thinks one reason is that girls are copying what they see in the media, and as a result, don’t see a problem showing skin. “I definitely think our culture infiltrates our young people with the message that the most important thing is how you look, the most important thing is how little you’re showing, or how sexy you are.”

She points out that some Christian artists aren’t helping. “You see people who are Christians who have gone into the mainstream even changing their idea of what’s modest because it fits our culture. So obviously young girls are gonna say I guess it’s ok or I guess it’s what I have to do in order to be accepted.”

The group, made up of Andrea and her sisters Danielle and Lisa Kimmey, is known for their stand on modesty and their ministry to girls. They recently launched a video Bible study series addressing everything from dating and fashion to parental relationships and abuse, saying that it’s time girls realized their destiny in Christ.

Danielle thinks that young women are looking for security in the wrong places, and as a result putting the emphasis on external beauty rather than what’s in their hearts. “We as Christian woman want to feel beautiful, you know what I mean? We do our hair, we put on makeup, but we have to understand that we have Jesus as our security, and understand who we are in Christ.”

Gail Hayes, PhD, international speaker and author of the book, Daughters of the King, a book on women and image, agrees. She thinks that young women simply do not understand their worth in God’s eyes. If they did, they’d cover up all on their own.

“There are four basic human needs,” Gail explains, “the need to be appreciated, the need to feel safe, the need to feel welcome and the need to feel important. Young girls who don’t have those needs met will dress for positive or negative attention, as long as they get some attention.”

Gail knows this well from personal experience. “My father told me that no man would ever want me, so I set out to prove him wrong.” She dressed in revealing clothing, believing that any attention was better than none, but she was left with feelings of shame and worthlessness. “There are so many young women who have deep wounds,” she adds. “I used to be one of them.”

By encouraging young women to be “reserved” in their dress - reserved for God’s good pleasure, His divine purpose, and a powerful destiny - Gail believes that we teach them that they are valuable and precious. “They are daughters of the King, and royalty is held to a higher standard,” she says, adding that once a young woman believes that, she won’t feel a need to dress in such revealing attire.

Marc agrees. “Young ladies need to think of their bodies as something honorable, something that you cherish, something you hold, like if you had a Ming vase worth a million dollars.” You don’t put a treasure like that in the doorway, he says. You keep it under glass and protect it like a special thing. “But we’ve taken our treasures and we’re putting them right in the front of the house and they’re getting rained on.”

He adds, “I wish young ladies could view their sexuality and everything that comes under that term, as incredibly awesome, and incredibly pure and wonderful, to the extent of saying I’m going to protect it. But the girls are putting it out there at a bargain basement price and the guys can afford it.”

And in the opinion of guys like Matt Thiessen, frontman for pop/rock group Relient K, it’s time for the girls to take some responsibility for the way they present themselves. “I’m so sick of seeing girls look like complete idiots because they’re trying way too hard to get attention with the way they look,” he says, adding that most girls are aware of how they look. “It’s up to them to decide how they want to present themselves,” although he adds that most guys would like them to stop “pushing buttons”.

For many young women, the decision to cover up comes with spiritual maturity.

Take seventeen year old Ashley Nier, a high school junior from Hilton, NY. She admits that a year ago, she would have told you that wearing skimpy clothes to church was no big deal. “In fact, I went in spaghetti straps,” she admits. “I would have said dress as you feel comfortable. And coming from a Calvary Church, I would argue that it is what the church says.” She says that people even come to her church wearing pajamas.

But Ashley’s spent the last year delving more deeply into God’s Word, and now her views have changed. She believes that the reason she should go to church is to hear the Word of God, not to get attention. And even though it wasn’t something she was consciously doing, she realizes now that wearing shorts and tank tops was drawing guys’ attention - not something she wants to do in church.

“So in the past 9 months I have gone from the girl wearing short shorts and skinny tank tops, to the right-winged conservative and true believer that those types of clothes don’t belong in the church.”

Which brings up a good point: when does the church go from welcoming seekers with open arms and a “come as you are” philosophy to expecting women to mature in the faith and adopt a more modest attire?

Michael Foss, youth pastor at the El Centro Assembly of God Church in El Centro, CA, says that it’s all about building relationships. “You have to get to know people,” he says, which then helps you know when it’s time to encourage a woman to move on to the next step in spiritual maturity. “That takes commitment to know people individually.” And, he laments, “It takes more time and commitment than people are willing to put in to discipling.”

Gail believes that the responsibility to disciple young women lies directly with the older women in the church. “Titus 2:3-5 talks about the older women instructing the younger women,” she says. “Many times, the older women are so judgmental that they drive the younger women exactly where we don’t want them to go. We older women have to put aside our judgments and minister to these young women about how precious they are to God.”

She believes that can be done by teaching young women to dress appropriately and still allowing them some freedom to express themselves fashionably. “Once they learn that they are daughters of the King AND that they have a special place in God’s heart, you will see hemlines lowered, necklines raised, dresses loosened and smiles appear.”

(c)2003 Joanne Brokaw All rights reserved. For reprint information, contact the author at joanne@joannebrokaw.com.